You're Gonna Carry That Weight
by Audrey Bogart
Summary: Faye gets into yet another accident after Spike's supposed 'death'. Yet she awakes with another's memory. Will Spike be able to cope? SxF...sorta


Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop.  
  
**You're Gonna Carry That Weight - Fallen**  
  
It was all like a dream. A neverending dream that ceased to leave its dreamers be. It would haunt them and enlighten them in all its magnificent glory. And then came the day that the dream ended. Reality set in like an enormous weight that the dreamers would have to carry. It was no longer a wonderful daze, but a horrific nightmare that would only go away when the star was dimmed. And it was. The star that had been so full of light, illuminating lonely lives and warming cold hearts, was slashed through and washed away. And with it, that same dream. The dreamer would no longer have to dream of freedom for he would find it in death. But with that death would come despair for another.  
  
It had seemed so simple. The angel had fallen and the only way to bring her back to her feet was to find the devil that had pushed her. And he had destroyed the devil, yet when the heavenly light surrounded him, he expected to find his golden haired angel embracing him and welcoming him to paradise. Yet she was no where to be found. The strongest protectors walk around in the smallest bodies. They are the innocents, not yet corrupted by deception and blood lust. And every adult has seen both. Whether they are cheated by friends or lovers or even both, they will become enraged; driven by the urge to destroy what had once made them happy. But children do not see it that way. They see a potential companion in everyone they meet, no matter what past the person carries with them. They are able to look inside them and see the goodness, regardless of the depths of darkness remaining in the other's heart. This is probably why God chose them as messengers. Children can make us see the most clearest picture in the most simplest of words when all of us adults could see was a distorted image filled with impossible ideas. And that is what the dreamer saw, a small child, in all of her incomplex grandeur. And she'd smile that childish smile and grace his cheek, letting him know that the dream was over and it was okay to let go. She'd hug him and warn him that his journey is far from over. And then the grin would come back. She'd push a strand of violet hair behind her ear and crinkle up her emerald orbs.  
"I'll always be right here for you. Spike, your star has been relit. Enjoy the radiance, for it's my gift to you. Use it wisely." The light vanished and the dreamer was encased in darkness until the voice of friendship would awaken him once again.  
  
There are moments in life that make the heart speed up to its own excited rhythm. And this moment was no different. A crowd had gathered around the still form, not able to comprehend the fact that a single man had literally brought down the once invincible Red Dragons. There were hushed whispers that said they could still see the man breathing and then ther were loud remarks stating that he was indeed dead. Only one person knew for sure and that was the subject of the whispers and rants. Spike Spiegel. And Faye Valentine could hear her own heart plummet to an unknown abyss that hadn't been touched since she had laid eyes on her childhood video as she pushed through the crowd to find a motionless and bloodied body that had once belonged to a familiar comrade. If the monster's katana could pierce her heart at that moment, then so be it. Nothing else came close to mastering the pain that stabbed at her heart. It burned with every tear that fell. Her friend, her partner in crime lay dead before. So she shoved her way back through the crowd, bumping into Jet along the way. He peered down at her, afraid to ask just what she had seen. And she couldn't bring herself to tell him. She had known it all along. She knew the lunkhead would wind up dead. Why couldn't he have just _listened_ to her for once?! Jet reached out to her, only to have her shake off his grip and keep running.  
"Faye? What are you doing?" And then he saw him. The man that had taken up space on the Bebop was now taking up residence on the stairs of a blown up Syndicate building. He quickly ran to his aid, pressing an ear to his chest. "He's still breathing...!" His statement was simple enough but true. The rise and fall of his chest was incoherent to the many wounds that garnished his body like a morbid Christmas tree but it was still there. Jet only prayed that Faye wouldn't do anything too drastic before the news that Spike was still alive reached her.  
  
She had cared for him. Maybe too much. And yet she couldn't stop him. She wanted to adorn his body with bullet holes, just so that he wouldn't go off on a kamikaze mission. But he did and she had lost him forever. She hopped into the Hammerhead, not really caring if Jet would lecture her for it or not. She needed to get away. Away from the pain, away from the emotion, away from the memory of Spike Spiegel. Jet's face was soon lighting up the Hammerhead's communication monitor.  
"Faye! Get back to Mars! And i'm not asking!" She revved up the accelerator. She thought she could see a hospital in Jet's background but looks can always be deceiving.  
"Having fun in the morgue? And i'll come back when i'm good and ready!" Jet's eyes became thin slits.  
"I'm not in the morgue. And it's my damn ship!! Don't make me put out a warrant for your arrest!!" Faye sighed in annoyance and wiped at her runny nose. It had been two hours since she stole the man's zipcraft and began to orbit the red planet aimlessly.  
"Fine! I'll be back in...oh....say an hour?"  
"Faye!!" She rolled her forest green eyes, trying her best to hide the regret and sadness in her actions.  
"Alright! I'll be there as soon as I ca- UGH!" A hard force came from behind. She was already in the atmosphere, so she couldn't just turn around in one swift motion like she could in space. Another swift blast from behind and Faye was crashing down towards Mars at speed that could prove to be fatal.  
It was almost surreal. The echos of Jet's worried tone, the visions of her first accident, and the fear that she would end up the same way as before. _Not again._ She didn't think that she could handle another cryogenic freezing followed by the torment of losing the gift of memories. No, she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. She had just gotten them back dammit! And now, it was all going to happen again like some sick cycle. And then all went black.  
  
It was beautiful, the place she went to after the darkness. There was no affliction in her heart. And she somehow felt lighter, as if she were floating. It was so bright. Was this heaven? Or some cruel joke that Satan liked to play on women like Faye on their way to hell. She closed her eyes, trying to reassure herself that she had deserved a place in utopia.  
"Open your eyes Faye." She did as commanded, only to find a smaller version of herself staring back at her, almost cradling her with her eyes.  
"Am..am I dead?" The little Faye smiled, sheltering her with warmth.  
"No...not quite. You're gonna carry that weight, Faye."  
"What weight?" There was no answer. Instead, the girl disappeared and a strange power engulfed Faye. It was almost suffocating her, like she was wrapped in a field's worth of cellophane and couldn't find a way out.  
  
Jet paced in front of both hospital rooms like an expecting father. He had called for an ambulance the minute he heard the other ship crash into the Hammerhead; with Faye inside. The paramedics said that she would live and that Spike's operation was a success. Now all Jet could do was wait. Wait for life, wait for death, he didn't know which he had to look forward to.  
  
_ "Are you going to kill him?" _Who?!  
_ "No, you're going to kill him for me."_ Inexplainable horror. Pain was apparent but Faye couldn't stop it. Run away. Yes, I can do that! At least he'll be safe.... Who?! Faye was screaming at the top of her lungs, only no one could hear her. A cold dragon and a golden angel conversed throughout her mind, terrorizing her thoughts, never yielding to her shouts of protest.  
It had been like that for days while she lay in unconciousness. Jet noticed this right off the bat. She was perfectly silent for hours, silouetted by the soft light above her hospital bed. And then she would twist in the sheets, fear etched on her features during the night, and pure bliss during the day. Jet just couldn't figure out what she was dreaming about.  
  
Dreamers only dream. Lovers can only love. Leaders are meant to lead. And then there are those who have fallen. Fallen inside of a dream that they can never awaken from. Fallen for a person that is incapable of loving them in return. Fallen in front of the army they were supposed to lead into victory. What do we do with those who have fallen? We pick them up of course. We wake them up from their dream. We gently push them down another path so that they may find another person who's willing to love them. We stand in front of their army and persuade them that everyone falls every now and then. But those who have fallen will have to deal with the consequences of that fall. They will have to carry the guilt that they had to have someone pick them up from the ground. But no one's perfect. And the fallen will have to learn to dust themselves off. But Fate chooses one hell of time to do this. It's a silly time to learn to swim when you're about to drown. Faye has now fallen. She fell because she let her grief lead her into an unexpected shift. And now, she was carrying the weight of the golden haired angel, the demon from paradise, the angel from the underworld, that haunted another's dreams. It's a silly time to learn to swim when you're about to drown...  
  
A/N: I know this doesn't make sense right now. It's not supposed to. Everything will answered next chapter. Sorry this one is so short. Oh yes! If you've been reading 'A Life Full Of Saturdays' , then yes, the new chapters have been uploaded! 


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